Givin up that steering wheel

"I" wanna spend my holiday with my grandparents even though they aren't confident about their condition. "i" want to tell them that it is alright. it will work out. after all it's not just them in their 80s who will be flying. "i" want to make them believe that they can still dream of traveling across the seas to some other country for their vacation with their family - so perfect! they dont have any serious medical condition, for god's sake the only drugs they are on are some petty purgatives, vitamins, analgesics and antacids. (touchwood!) so how much damage it would do even in the worst case! we could do research about the healthcare facility in Thailand, could inform the resort people about senior citizens traveling with us so that they could make some essential arrangements, we could be on the lookout for access to wheelchair and choose relaxation over sightseeing! we could do our own research, reach out to some contacts, and do everything in our capacity to make it happen! sadly it takes all five fingers to make it count.

but guess what, i cannot control them. yes, i can convince them for the time being, i might be winning the argument, but i won't be winning in reality. in an attempt to make them switch their sides, only because that's how "i" imagined, i would only be making them do something they are not happily willing to do. and sometimes, life does have a different plan. letting go is tough; with "things" it is easy. with people, i gotta respect what they want, what they feel. they may end up feeling the way i want them to, probably at a different point of time, but i gotta acknowledge how they weigh the situation in real time no matter how badly i fantasize it differently. pains my heart. 

i've encountered such situations more than a few times recently. i desperately want something to happen when my stars dont seem to be aligning for me. its a new that i have stopped wondering why and have started accepting the crudeness of the situations. the more fundamental i go, the better i understand and particularly in this case, the better it is for social harmony within my family. 

well, i am only writing this after wrangling with my mother about it, disparaging her on how she could be more helpful by instilling confidence in them while she was herself being fearful of the uncertainties, totally being risk averse. i wish i could get to my senses much before that verbal battle. but i am glad, for now. settled. of course i gotta apologise to get to good terms later.

i always dreamt of spending that lovely time with my grandparents. i even told my parents that they and my sister could go sightseeing while i and daddu dadi could stay at the resort. we could talk about their lives, play some 1960s music, dance on Kishore and Rafi's songs, play cards, stroll around the property, team up with dadi to beat the invincible carrom-king daddu at the game and savour good food!! i could literally be their servant and enjoy doing that all the time! 

alas, i am forced by the code of conduct to respect what my "parents" want too. it would break my father's heart if i ruin his first foreign trip by staying in jalgaon with my grandparents, only because spending time with them is "my" first priority. it would be 3 instead of 4 on the trip and he will never let that happen, he would cancel the booking and face a monetary loss over not being "all" together ..at least 4 if not 6. he wants everyone together (ALL THE fuckin TIME - yes it is annoying at times). As far as this circumstance is concerned, i will have to respect my father's wishes over mine.

certainly, i could be good at convincing, but i understand having it my way is no more a persistent reality. rather i would embrace the storms, sitting in the passenger's seat, giving up that steering wheel and say McD styles... "i'm lovin it" (anyway)!







giving keys to my car to krishna ;)


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dream, regardless!

Image
It was a mental health hospital.  Distributed bananas in the female ward, nothing much. Their faces spoke their stories in one glance. Someone's laughing, someone's grieving, someone's trying to steal others' bananas, someone's lying on the floor, yelling, someone's so normal-looking that you wouldn't ever realise that they are mentally unwell, someone's coming up to you saying that they are building their business, someone's expressing immense gratitude in Gujarati over a simple gesture of giving bananas, someone's staring at you trying to give you a full smile but can't.  All of this made me realise how we take life for granted, time and again! My highlight was the 50-year old lady who said she was building a website and knew RHA (Robin Hood Army) already. This conversation was so real yet painful. She could have been an entrepreneur, you know. Alas! The condition. The dream of hers, stayed with her despite the condition. Life's short. ...
Read more

New allegiances

Image
I don't want your overkill praises, Neither those facetious acknowledgments; Not the yearning-kind I am anymore, Peace I find within the most.  The red rush of adrenaline, The smile of dopamine so pure; That I would once record to reminisce, Are no more fun but alluring evils endured.  The lust for diversity I lost,  For good I say, it tainted my sanity; Waning desperation within I observe, Numbers down, flair's up to serve! Consistent outlier I was, Bright and brilliant they called;  I rowed parallel and won them over, Thought that was "the" way forever! Still an outlier, I stand upright, For reasons directed inwards this time; Impervious to frivolous fleeting fascinations, I seem to have found my way from here. Extolled passer-by's with the tiniest of spark, Funny, I viewed the world in 2-D; Naivety let me judge by the cover,  Only to extrapolate to unrelatability in vain. For the moment it felt right and robust, After all, experiences teach the best, isn't ...
Read more

Chasing closure

Image
Usually, I like to make my writing as relatable as possible and I make a conscious effort for it. Not this time.  I have 3 key experiences wherein I felt loved, rather I thought I did. The first one was from the school-days; he wanted me more than I wanted him, it lasted longer than it should have. It had begun early in my teenage days, where curiosity led the way and making big commitments without responsibility was so easy, when passion dominated logic, and we were too naive to be introspecting even! We waited till toxicity found its way into our relationship and broke us apart, for good! After an year and a half of that, I found someone who made me fall in love with God and I mistook that for a long time as my first true love for the one who introduced me to God. It was my obsession with his personality because he was almost all that I ever wanted to become but never could - an embodiment of peace, shrewdness and equanimity; someone who would practice what he preached and had hi...
Read more