New allegiances

I don't want your overkill praises,
Neither those facetious acknowledgments;
Not the yearning-kind I am anymore,
Peace I find within the most. 

The red rush of adrenaline,
The smile of dopamine so pure;
That I would once record to reminisce,
Are no more fun but alluring evils endured. 

The lust for diversity I lost, 
For good I say, it tainted my sanity;
Waning desperation within I observe,
Numbers down, flair's up to serve!

Consistent outlier I was,
Bright and brilliant they called; 
I rowed parallel and won them over,
Thought that was "the" way forever!

Still an outlier, I stand upright,
For reasons directed inwards this time;
Impervious to frivolous fleeting fascinations,
I seem to have found my way from here.

Extolled passer-by's with the tiniest of spark,
Funny, I viewed the world in 2-D;
Naivety let me judge by the cover, 
Only to extrapolate to unrelatability in vain.

For the moment it felt right and robust,
After all, experiences teach the best, isn't it?
Forgot I, the caveat of purity and precision,
That didn't come along with that of others!

All creations inoculate within,
All wars begin in here;
All solutions are labyrinth-ed within,
You got no less than a battlefield in there!

I was seeking outside what I had already,
Awaiting my search, it lay dormant;
The truth, the conviction, the code of conduct,
Transcending the material, asked and answered!

Surprises and shocks often derail,
What remains is an intermittent vanity;
Unless you accept what lies beyond,
The troughs would be impossible to abscond!

Chasing control over the material me,
That lives and dies every minutest moment;
Fixing a connect with the infinite eternity, 
An upstream feat, I did undertake!

Curiosity wants to rest,
As brevity blabbers;
Actionable feelings are less,
And emotions purer.

Too much of all is trashed, 
With a few connects to keep;
Labels are gone, 
Indifference persists.

Surprises look banal,
And worldly pleasure, a sin?
Pressure's as if a privilege,
And conviction the key to win!

Redefining winning everyday is what I love,
Sometimes I am Napolean, at times Tughluq;
Didn't choose either to voice this vagrant soul,
But if that's my present, amor fati is the goal!

Faith and love I choose to employ,
To fight the untiring war of my mind;
The external world will see what it will, 

My allegiance lies only with the supreme divine!