Dementia is weakening her and I hate it.

The worst thing the pandemic did to me is take my very fun, dynamic dadi from me and transform her into a person who's now scared of any little change around. 

Her natural memory loss exacerbated to dementia because of social abstinence and now she is dependent on my wise and affectionate daddu- who I am grateful to forever. 

She used to be this confident, independent woman who is fearless, strong, an explorer and selflessly caring of her people at the same time. She is the one who taught me that sometimes I gotta let go of what's right and let people be how they want to because me trying to help them might instead hurt them more. I used to sob over guilt of having good things in my little life, better than many around-- she did her final magic spell as she gave me a warm hug while i was crying like a baby and said, "It's easy, give what you have more of and it helps keep the balance." And it made perfect sense. She is still the same wise, loving woman who cares for her family a lot but has lost the spark of self-sufficiency because of her memory loss. Self-sufficiency is the one thing I admired in her so much. In fact, it's because of her that I probably have it in me. 

I have had deep conversations with her on how she actually felt when she had to deal with my daddu's obstinate and orthodox family, when my parents married against my daddu's wish who didn't attend their wedding, when she was differently treated despite being the most versatile kid amongst the six of the prodigal smart kids as she wasn't a conventionally successful one. Yes I agree she used to boast about herself and talk about her awards whenever someone would visit our home and I didn't like it. But I see a story behind this behaviour-- she had to fight for herself, nobody appreciated her will power to learn classical singing after marriage, her inmense dedication to her Scout Guides work, her learning while earning, her theatre work, her badass swimming (she fuckin taught me backstroke and diving at the age of 70) and maybe she did it for herself. She didn't fuckin need anyone to even talk about her accomplishments, although it looked weird, it makes sense to me now. 

Everyone in my family would say no to my crazy wishes, but she always stood and stands by me and for me, her opinion is the most important to me because she understands me and my logic. I don't know whether it is her trust or the relatability or my fanning her, but I feel the kind of trust she has in me, is the epitome of trust in any relationship. 

(P.s. I got her this saree :))

Now? My idol's memory's rusting and it's  made her feel like a powerless, dependent and diffident person. But you know the good side is she hasn't lost her optimism. It is also a bad side because just like me, she's bad at expressing her negative emotions in the moment. She won't do it because it is horribly weakening. I know that. So she would instead talk something constructive and dodge the moment. It's bad because people can't help unless you admit your problems. Well I can't change this thing about her, neither can anyone and probably not even herself in this situation.

My daddu has been the ideal support to her. They don't fight much these days, their bickering is deep and based on mutual understanding. My daddu tells me "I want you to call her and not me so that she feels important and she should give me the phone after you talk to her. It will be fine if you don't talk to me, but do talk to her!" When my daddu fell ill, my dadi said to me "I want you to call daddu, keep checking on him like this." (Ofc in marwari/marathi). 

True love and true caring. They don't show off, they hate taking pictures (more of daddu, dadi doesn't mind few if it is making us happy), they live in the moment, they don't fight a lot, they care for each other and truly understand each other, they don't attack each other's pride but do it subtly (that's human) and forgive and forget each other. Love them, miss them, grateful for them. My idols ♥️.

When she repeatedly asks the same thing and I remind her of the event, she says, "Okay I don't remember now but must have happened. Will have to check pictures." I hate that she has to go through this almost everytime. This is painful for someone who's created infinite memories, explored numerous places, impacted thousands of lives as a teacher, a social worker, a powerful woman! I hate it and want to do something about it!

If you know or have experienced taking care of someone going through dementia pls provide your suggestions on how I can help her deal with dementia. I feel helpless as I am far from home but want to help her some systematic way such that it's not a temp thing. I am already having a tiny plan in prep but would appreciate your valuable suggestions! 

Thanks already :)